(when i get to hogwarts there will be a book form of this in my chest in my dormitory.)
⋆ ৎ 1. DO NOT ANNOY FILCH. EVER . ݁˖
this one’s obvious, but listen: filch has nothing better to do **than make your life miserable. if you track mud into the castle, get caught out past curfew, or—even worse—laugh at mrs norris, expect him to be on you faster than peeves on a first-year. be invisible, and maybe toss mrs norris a treat if you’re feeling brave.
⋆ ৎ 2. DON'T TRUST THE 5TH YEARS . ݁˖
if a group of 5th years starts grinning like they’ve discovered the meaning of life and then ask you to “just go say hi to that one painting,” run. the portrait by the ravenclaw dorms will insult your mum, and you’ll never recover.
⋆ ৎ 3. PEEVES IS NOT YOUR FRIEND . ݁˖
oh, look at gaters, thinking befriending peeves will give you some sort of immunity from his chaos. FALSE. he will turn on you the moment it’s entertaining enough. the only way to survive him is to always carry stink pellets or dungbombs—bribery works better than charm.
⋆ ৎ 4. BEWARE THE GREAT HALL'S TREACLE TART . ݁˖
sure, it’s delicious, but the house-elves like to switch up the recipes. one batch might leave you feeling nostalgic, while another may make you spill your deepest secrets to the person sitting next to you. proceed with caution.
⋆ ৎ 5. STICK TO THE MAIN STAIRCASES . ݁˖
the hidden staircases can save you time—or ruin your week. if it’s moving during a
bad mood, it’ll take you to a broom cupboard and lock you in there for 20 minutes. always check if it's feeling cheeky before you commit.
⋆ ৎ 6. DON'T CHALLENGE SNAPE UNLESS YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH . ݁˖
this applies whether he’s a student or professor in your era. sarcasm is his love language, but trust me, you don’t want to out-sass him unless you're ready to wake up covered in boils or accidentally transfigure your nose into a beak.